Butt Ugly Shoe Alert May 12

Lady Gaga (again)

By now you all might be saying that we could devote this entire section to Gaga all the time (or to Nicki Menaj).

With so much ugliness focused around Gaga’s feet, sometimes we cannot simply look away. Look at those horrid oatmeal puke-covered fairy heels!

This brings to mind a fact about the crime rate on the legendary Rock of Gibraltar, a two square mile piece of real estate at the very southern tip of Spain overlooking the Mediterranean Sea. Apparently, the colony of wild monkeys that lives on this rock (Barbary Apes like the cute fellow above) have learned to attack the many tourists who visit Gibraltar, snatching the unsuspecting visitors’ flip flops or sunglasses and climbing up trees.

The Gibraltar monkeys then brandish their stolen loot to the upset tourists gathered below the trees- but the locals know that the monkeys are really just wanting to barter- they are holding the human accessories for ransom in an attempt to get the tourist to offer the monkey thief some free food in exchange. If the human complies by holding out some food, the monkeys drop the stolen glasses and shoes down to the tourist and scampers off with the banana or Subway sandwich offering.

Occasionally, however, the monkeys are known to attempt eating stolen tourist shoes (especially the rubbery flips flops).  We highly recommend to those of you visiting Gibraltar to wear these Gaga shoes when you go. They will cause the thieving monkeys to vomit. Problem solved.

Good luck!

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